Over the weekend, I gathered with my family to do a little holiday celebrating, as well as to enjoy my father’s Birthday (happy Birthday dad). My cousin’s child, named Tyler (my second cousin), asked me a question I have never pondered before. He asked, “Would Santa be burned as a witch in Salem, Oregon?” I, not quite sure what the appropriate age for this type of discussion would be, said, “I don’t know.” He looked at me and said, in the most deadpan, matter a fact type tone… “Yes! Yes he would.

Not to call any members of my family a serial killer, especially this early on, but, this thought did cross my mind, so I just had to laugh. I asked him why he felt this way. He proceeded to point out all the magical qualities of Santa. Faster than light speed, the ability to enter into people’s houses, deliver presents, flying reindeer, etc. He nailed most of the facts. I wanted to add to his growing list, about the ability to eat all those cookies and drink all that milk without developing serious health problems like diabetes or lactose intolerance, but I could tell he didn’t need any more help from me.

“He’s clearly a warlock! He even has the long beard and a pointy hat!”
– Tyler



I agreed with him, how Santa is probably a type of witch, but I don’t think he’d be burned as a Witch. He attempted to argue with me about why. I told him, how now days, we don’t do that. For many reasons… especially in Salem, Oregon. Now, they might treat him like a witch in Boring, Oregon, or at least go through the Monty Python trials (build a bridge out of him), just for something to do, but not in Salem.

My little cousin then took things back in time! “They would to! They would have burned him as a witch back in the day during the Salem Witch Trials.” I couldn’t argue that point. Back in the day, they might have convicted Santa of being a witch, BUT not in Salem, Oregon.

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How do you know!?” asked my 2nd cousin. The answer I gave him, was simple, “The witch trials were in Massachusetts, not Oregon. There are multiple Salems in the U.S., so to answer your original question about would Santa be burned as a witch in Salem, Oregon… the answer is no, no he would not."


And that is how I won an argument against a 10 year-old at a recent family function! If he would have continued the debate, I would have informed him how Santa is fire resistant, after coming down so many chimneys for so many years, but I'll keep that fact in my pocket for another day. Any interesting family arguments (festive or historical) that you've had? Tap the App and let us know!


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