Why should NASA and the Cajuns have all the fun rearranging the signs of the zodiac? Whether you believe in the pseudo-science of astrology or not, we thought it would be a bit of fun to come up with our own version of the signs of the zodiac. Only people living in Yakima will "get it"!

  • Aquarius

    Yakima Zodiac: Hop

    Jan. 20-Feb. 18

    One of the strongest signs of the zodiac, a Hop is rough around the edges, but when sitting in a hot tub or lounging around in the pool, you become the life of the party after a few sips of something tasty. Your personality is an acquired taste, some people may even have allergic reactions to you. New friends beware: those who hang out with Hops without proper supervision tend to get arrested for mischief. Hop signs usually smell a bit pungent when you first wake up in the morning.

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  • Pisces

    Yakima Zodiac: Cuppa Joe

    Feb 19-March 20

    Those born under the sign of a Cuppa Joe are friendly, popular and full of energy. "Hyper" is a word that usually describes the Cuppa Joe. Your strong and robust personality makes weak-minded people feel jittery, while others feel right at home with you. You get excited easily, but you must learn that sometimes you need to tone it down to the "decaf" version of yourself. You tend to have clingy exes because of your addictive nature. You can have a dark sense of humor, and you have many eclectic tastes in music. Cuppa Joes sneak food off of your plate when you turn your head, the jerks!

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  • Aries

    Yakima Zodiac: The Roundabout

    March 21-April 19

    You are a logical and practical thinker. You like things to flow easily, but you have a hard time explaining yourself to others. People complain about you a lot, unfortunately. You tend to be very talkative. You have big dreams but you don't accomplish much. You like to focus on one thing at a time, and if others can't keep up with you, that's okay, they can eat your dust. You Roundabouts tend to be very attractive and you're not afraid to use your looks and charm to get your way around any obstacles you face. Roundabouts know your ATM password and will use it the first chance they get!

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  • Taurus

    Yakima Zodiac: Rattlesnake

    April 20-May 20

    Rattlesnakes will slide past most obstacles because of their aggressive nature. You tend frighten away others because of your loud personality. You hold grudges and have a sharp memory. You like to exact revenge on others by pretending to be their friend, long enough to get all of their secrets for blackmail. When you feel betrayed by others, you usually strike back when they least expect it. You love the outdoors, especially hiking trails with all of your slimy friends. Your skin is very itchy and you use lots of lotion. You don't like to cuddle. Those born under the Rattlesnake zodiac sign tend to have a lisp. These scheming Rattlesnakes steal food out of your fridge as soon as you fall asleep.

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  • Gemini

    Yakima Zodiac: Tumbleweed

    May 21-June 20

    Those born under the sign of the Tumbleweed are very flighty. Tumbleweeds never like to stay in one place for very long. You yearn to live the life of a nomad. Your mood changes as fast as the breeze of the wind. You or your papa was a rolling stone, soaring your wild oats with whomever and wherever. You like to get a little freaky-deaky in the sheets. You have a hard time maintaining relationships because of your unpredictable mood swings. Tumbleweeds may have great finances, but are hella cheap. Your personality is abrasive and thorny. The Tumbleweed is a heart breaker. And a meanie. Karma is out to get you, when it finally catches up to you, beware! Tumbleweeds cheat in all of their sports games. Heathens!

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  • Cancer

    Yakima Zodiac: The Pothole

    June 21-July 22

    Oh boy. Pothole signs are the worst when it comes to being tidy. Potholes are notoriously messy. You usually crumble under pressure, so you like to keep things light, whether it's your job or your relationships. You hide your pain very well. Get yourself a therapist! Usually easygoing, but when you've had enough, you fall apart visibly and everyone starts gossiping about you behind your back. You are way melodramatic but you have quite the entertaining personality. Potholes usually make great actors or actresses, so get yourself involved in the theater ASAP and become the huge star you know you were meant to be. Yuck, Potholes pick their nose in the car and don't care who sees. Gross.

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  • Leo

    Yakima Zodiac: The Burger

    July 23-Aug. 22

    The zodiac sign of the Burger has some of the most popular people of them all. Each burger has its own personality, so no two Burger signs are alike! Burgers can be chameleon types, so you may never know their true intentions for their actions. Most hippies are born under the sign of the Burger. And vegans. Burger signs are "rarely" at a loss for words; they like to be very direct, blunt, and in your face. They tell it like it is. They like Leo-nardo DiCaprio for some inexplicable reason, and are his biggest stans and fans. Whatevs. Lots of "thick" women are Burgers (and "fluffy" dudes). Burger signs are fun to be around and often get into mischief at an early age. Burger signs also love layering clothes, not unlike layering an actual burger with toppings and condiments. Speaking of condiments, they love mustard. Burgers sneeze without covering their nose. Disgusting.

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  • Virgo

    Yakima Zodiac: The Hipster

    Aug. 23-Sept. 22

    I don't know what to tell you about The Hipster other than they are strange creatures with eccentric personalities and peculiar habits. Borderline genius, regardless of IQ. Likes to think "outside the box", and then likes to decorate the box with cool craft paper and modge podge. When The Hipster sign visits Portland, OR, they feel like they've arrived at Mecca. The Hipster loves going to Coachella, Electric Daisy Carnival and Paradiso. Burning Man is on The Hipster's bucket list. Very sensual person. Likely to attend an adult toys party only once, buying up everything needed to last them several years. Hates walking. The Hipster would rather someone else drive the car, while they sit in the back seat to collect their thoughts in peace. Hates to hear loud music in their favorite trendy coffeeshops, which is quite ironic. The Hipster also loathes that recent "hipster" moustache trend and all other things labeled "hipster". The Hipster probably likes steampunk, too. Can't make up their minds to save the planet. They're truly a bunch of Hipster weirdos.

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  • Libra

    Yakima Zodiac: Taco Truck

    Sept. 23-Oct. 22

    If you are born under the sign of the Taco Truck, then you are in luck. This is the luckiest of all the zodiac signs. Taco Truck signs are popular and are very generous people. They have good taste in clothes and are well-traveled individuals. They can feel at home anywhere. Likely to rack up traffic violations, but they pay their fines on time. This zodiac sign likes to save up all of their money (they always carry cash), so if you ever need to borrow a few bucks, just borrow money from someone born under the sign of the Taco Truck. Easy going. Friendly. Likes to move really quickly because time is money! Always cleaning up behind others. Taco Trucks will kiss your dog in the mouth. UGH.

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  • Scorpio

    Yakima Zodiac: Asparagus

    Oct. 23-Nov. 21

    There are many layers to the personality of someone born under the sign of the Asparagus. A very private person. Not one to eff with. Tough on the outside, but a gentle teddybear on the inside--if they let you in. Asparagus signs are very private. If you do them wrong, they will CUT. YOU. Likes the taste of tangy foods, so don't eat at their house and expect the food to be seasoned. Great dresser with expensive taste in art and shoes. Nosy. Will spill all of your secrets so don't tell them anything you wouldn't want the world to know! Asparagus signs are gossip queens! You have been warned! Asparaguses don't season their chicken! Bring your own salt shaker!

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  • Sagittarius

    Yakima Zodiac: The Grape

    Nov. 22-Dec. 21

    The Grapes sign people are very popular and like to hang out in big groups. They like to be the first to arrive at the party and/or the last to leave. If they become your roommate, you will want to kick them out of the house because they are always in your face wanting to hang out. Those born under the sign of the Grape ask too many personal questions and don't understand what it means to "mind your own business". Grape signs are fun to hang out with and are the best at cheering people up. They love foreign films and will read the subtitles out loud to you, even if you ask them not to. Bubbly personalities. You miss them when they are gone (which is not often because they are always around)! The Grape zodiac sign is the most lovable sign because of their big-hearted nature. Awww. Grapes will use your toothbrush if they can't find their own. Rude!

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  • Capricorn

    Yakima Zodiac: The Apple

    Dec. 22-Jan 19

    The Apple zodiac sign is NOT a cat person. Enough said.

    However, I will say that those born under the Apple sign are very neat and tidy up after themselves, plus they are very territorial, just like cats. Go figure. Excellent taste in architecture and cheeses. Apple signs like to read thick novels and will be the first to tell you they are not your Google, so you had better Google things for yourself. Finicky eaters. Apples like to pounce on their lovers when they are feeling frisky, which is often. They need you to speak C-L-E-A-R-L-Y otherwise they will roll their eyes, pick up their stuff and leave you. They always use emojis on their texts, even to family members. Huge Gossip Girl fans. Apple signs are great at figuring out all the clues to solve a mystery. They also like to watch old Scooby Doo cartoons on YouTube. This zodiac sign is crazy with a K, as in the show "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", which they looooove. You'll often find dog hair in Apples' company potluck dishes. Dish-gusting!

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